Whither Shall I Go?

Ps 139:7-18
7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
(KJV)


This portion of scripture has always been of great comfort to me especially when I think that He’s so far away from me (or am I too far away from Him?). There are times though, when I wish it weren’t so true like when I’m messing up and doing stuff I shouldn’t. Conveniently I wish He weren’t around then to witness my shame. But He is. Even then. It makes me appreciate His forgiveness even more and understand that He truly loves me. I used to think that if people really got to know me maybe they won’t like me or think I’m such a nice person. So it was hard to be myself, warts and all. But in Christ I’ve found acceptance. He loves me in spite of me. I don’t take this as a license to do as I please but when I do fall I'm doubly disappointed. I wish I could go back in time and make the right choices. I know He's there, but it would be easier to go to Him then.

I feel Him so near now and I know it's because I've opened my heart to receive His forgiveness. His blood has washed away the past. There's today and maybe tomorrow. What I do with them, is up to me but no matter what I do, He'll still be there.

Thank you, Jesus.